been a long time...

wow. i have not posted in a while. i got caught up with the adoption process and with phoebe's therapy appointments. she is doing really well. we are getting her fitted for AFO (ankle foot orthotics, basically leg braces) in the hopes that it will help her to take a few steps. i am really hoping this will give her more support and she will want to begin walking without it hurting her so much.  we are chugging along on the adoption process, still have the educational component of it to finish and some interviews, but honestly i am in no hurry. phoebe has been teething with molars coming in so it has not been an easy few days here. she is quite cranky, and that is just not phoebe. she is rarely a whiner. i am leaving on a trip for San Francisco tomorrow with my girlfriends! yay! can't wait for this much needed getaway. dh will be staying home with her while i am away. he will also be taking her to two therapy appointments and one music class, so he'll get to walk in my shoes for couple of days.

well, i must wake phoebe up now for play group. talk to you all when i return from vacation.

xoxoxo

i was walking phoebe in the stroller this morning when it dawned on me that two years ago, i feared the only only stroller i would be pushing would be an empty one. at the moment, i felt so grateful to be a mom. for that moment i was able to forget about all of the heartache and pain associated with infertility, and i was just able to be thankful that my stroller was full. i continued to be in that moment with a smile on my face, walking onward to the Seven Stars to get my morning coffee.

the moment passed when she threw her cup full of milk onto the sidewalk and it splashed up in my face and all over my clothes...Ah, the joys of motherhood...

this song reminds me of before i found you and not that i have you phoebe.
had all but given up
On finding the one that I could fall into
On the day before you
I was ready to settle for
Less than love and not much more
There was no such thing as a dream come true
Oh, but that was on the day before you

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I will never have to go back to
The day before you

In your eyes I see forever
It makes me wish that my life never knew
The day before you
Oh, but Heaven knows those years without you
Were shapin' my heart for the day that I found you
You're the reason for all that I've been through
Then I'm thankful for the day before you-
yeah, yeah

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I will never have to go back to
The day before you

Was the last day that I ever lived alone
And I'm never goin' back
No, I'm never goin' back

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I will never have to go back to
Yeah, I will never have to go back to
The day before you, the day before you

It's been one hell of a week...

I'm sorry that I disappeared from the ICLW. I could not get on my computer at all the last few days. Out internet was down and it was very difficult to reply to posts and read blogs from my iphone. I have been so happy to receive comments from everyone and wish that I could have been better at returning posts. I guess I am out of the running now and I have a lot of catching up to do. For those of you who commented on my blog, I apologize for not getting back to you due to the internet. My daughter has also kept me on my toes with all of her appointments this week.

On a more positive note, Phoebe pulled herself up to standing. A huge accomplishment for both of us after all of the work we do with her physical therapy. We are now working on unlocking those knees and also learning how to hold a cup and finger foods. It's always something!

Happy to be back. Will catch up later.

For those who live in CO- I am trying to find flights to Telluride from Providence. What is the best way to get there? Apparently Telluride is closed due to work on the landing strip...

Thanks. xo

Spent 24 hours without Phoebe...

So DH and I went to Boston yesterday and walked around, ate, drank and sat in the park. We had dinner and met some crazy people. It was a very nice break from our crazy daily schedule. Now back to reality. We picked Phoebe up at my mom's house and planned to go to a Paw Sox game but she ended up needing a nap. So now our plan is to take her to the beach at 4 or 5 pm for an hour. Should be fun, although I am not looking forward to sand in her butt crack and putting myself into a bathing suit or anything of the likes. 

P.S Does anyone have any kids that eat better away from home than in their own house? Apparently mine does this.

To my friends in the IF blogger world. I must say...

... that this is my first experience with ICLW and I am loving it!  I feel like I am at a party meeting a bunch of great new friends! You are all very strong women and men and I truly enjoy reading all of your comments and blogs. Keep it coming! You all keep me going on a daily basis! DH and I have a sitter today and will be taking the day to spend time together and go out to dinner in Boston this evening. I promise I will read more blogs and post comments when I get home!

xoxo

ICLW TIME!!!!

Hi there in the infertility, loss, adoption blog world.

A bit about me just to give you an idea.

Dh and I were TTC for a year knowing that I had endometriosis, age against me and minor MF. after a year of no success we attempted 5 IUIs (all medicated) and 5 IVF cycles over 3 years or so?

 Can't remember timelines, i guess i have suppressed a lot of it.

A few chemical pregnancies, failed cycles, arrested embryos, almost a divorce and miscarriages later, we got pregnant with twins. We lost one twin early on and after a very difficult pregnancy and traumatic childbirth (my epidural did not work and i had a c-section and felt everything), Phoebe entered the world weighing a mere 5 pounds at 39 weeks gestation. The neurologists think that she had a stroke while I was pregnant with her, something that is common in twin pregnancies when one twin is lost. As a result, Phoebe has some minor developmental delays and has Early Intervention services at home several times a week. She is now one year and crawling, something i honestly wondered if she would ever be able to do. So now I worry, "will she walk?", "will she speak?"... 

We are also in the process of adopting domestically. I do not sleep more than 3 hours per night b/c of all the worry. This is where we are right now and how I came to be here... 

Welcome to ICLW!

officially overwhelmed...

just received about 200 pages of documents from the adoption agency that we need to complete and/or obtain records for before the social worker comes by for the home study. some days i feel guilty for working so hard for another baby when Phoebe has just turned a year, but I guess this is what I would be doing if i could get pregnant again, right?

 

so we need to obtain divorce records, birth certificates, marriage certificates etc... finger printing, background checks and health records.

meanwhile I am trying to organize phoebe's early intervention care, where she now requires speech therapy, occupational therapy, physical therapy and feeding teams. my dog is sick and i am watching two of my neighbor's houses while they are away, all while my husband is on call and operating all weekend!!!!! AHHHHHHHH! Calgon?

so anyway, instead of doing all of the things i just mentioned above, i am blogging and occasionally checking facebook.  can you say, procrastination?

phoebe is getting much better with the crawling and eating, now we just have to work on transitioning to the sippy cup for milk time. i know developmentally she is not there yet and when she is ready she will let me know, but for now i don;t mind feeding my peanut a bottle, she is content and still for the few moments it takes her to drink it and i can cuddle with her :)

not sure what is wrong with riley today (fur baby). i know it's super hot outside but i walked her at 7:30 this morning and she was dragging herself and limping. she has been lethargic all day. i'll watch her for the rest of the day and hope that she perks up.

my mind is racing thinking about the list that is getting longer and longer. the house is a mess, in no shape for a home study, probably not baby proofed all that well and a little bit small to be cramming 2 children here with two adults and a large dog, but hopefully it will all work out.

i am going to sign off now and do some laundry. fun stuff.